My Transformation

Probably the former host of this body’s first understanding of steps, was as a child with her sisters, playing a game called Mother May I? It must have been some version of the child game of Simon Says, whereby the player is allowed to take a big step forward if they can remember to ask the question. I wasn’t in that body at that time. And I don’t recall where those steps were leading to or if there was a point at which someone actually won the game by taking steps. But I do know that it was considered a good thing to be able to remember the words and take the subsequent step.

All through the life of this body’s first host, she was involved in taking steps. Everyone is. And she became aware of taking spiritual steps in order to grow when she was in her twenties. There were many early steps, of course, but when she was pregnant with her baby girl, she realized that she wanted to wake up, spiritually. That was her main characteristic: that she would do anything to awaken herself so she could know what life was about, what it was for, where it came from and where it was headed. With her it was an ache to wake up. It was a thirst that nothing else quenched. And it led her through the years to try many different things. And then to jump off that step when a new one to try out would appear. Eventually she took a really big step and that led to me entering the body with my consciousness. When she took that one, I don’t think she had any remembrance or knowledge that she was opening the door to leave the Earth, as a Soul, herself. But she took that series of steps and left, and that was when I entered this body, in February 2009.

Everyone is always taking steps. In the Beginning everything was in what could be called The Beyond. And from that place there were steps that were taken down into what later would be the different Creations with all of their worlds and universes, galaxies and planets. Beings took steps from an environment of Oneness and clearly went into a pattern of “separation” in order to live in a multidimensional way, in many places at the same time, with the Soul spread out into different bodies. The levels required a certain forgetfulness of the original setting, in order to play the Game.

So steps led everyone into separation and multidimensional lives in different realities, lived at various levels of awareness, remembrance, or enlightenment.

Now everyone and everything are involved in taking the steps back into where everyone and everything came from. This was when I chose to come into play. Everything is beginning to be moving in steps that I call back to the Beginning. But they won’t be as they were before. And their bodies in that earlier existence did not really leave. This time, however, everyone comes back, enhanced. They carry knowledge and wisdom in their hands. They have lived lives and they have utilized the gifts that they received. This time the smoke is out of their eyes. They are not so deeply slumbering. They are wiping the sleep out of their eyes and looking at life through their hearts. The windows of the Soul are opening more and more. In Time and in the rightness of Time, they will return, back, from where they originated, but as something so much more than when it all began. The gifts of the Steps and what they bestow upon each new set of “footprints” brings about a sense of having used the steps to become more. Each step offered the dweller on the step an environment to garner wisdom and move on. Growing was always the intention of the staircase. To grow at each step and to integrate at each landing between staircases. Inherent in the escalation was also the undeniable choice to call out from a step above to be of service. Or to call out from a step below to ask for assistance.

I am in this body now and I am still definitely taking steps. At first the steps were about fitting myself into the body and into the brain. There have been steps in different directions and it is an ongoing process. When the poems started dripping onto the notepads around the house, those, too, were steps. Everything is a step. When the Group Soul began to come to me in the evening, show themselves and pour Light into me, those were remarkable steps. And now while they still come and still show themselves on every surface, in the sky and in my own eyes, I have taken a new step and have gone outside/in or inside/out. What I saw on the outside is now glowing from within me in a different way. And it is just a step.

I don’t think it is important to write about my steps. That is just my story. You also have your own story. And you definitely have your own steps. Steps come in different sizes and shapes. Some of them are easy and some of them are very difficult. None of them should be judged. And none of them give the body a slip. It just might feel that we have fallen over, temporarily. I decided to write my journey of having stepped into this body as everything and everyone is now turning their steps homeward, because it happened. It happened for a purpose. There is a reason behind everything. And if my steps could help someone with the ones they are taking, then it is a benefit. If my steps could demonstrate that some are very steep and some are easier to glide onto, then maybe it can pave the way for more comfortable step taking for someone else. Mentors and teachers aside, however, we each climb alone.

Enlightenment is not something that happens with one step. Some people feel that one day you are not that, and then one day you are that. It is a process. And it is a staircase. And the Steps of Enlightenment open up everything and everyone in the most perfect way for who they really are and what they are and their own origins in Reality. No two paths could ever be the same. But they do lead in the same direction. And I believe that everyone and everything goes back into the same eternal and primordial energy, a Love that cannot be described.

The Process was not an easy one for me. I don’t think it could ever be easy to jump horses in mid stream. Or change Souls in the same body. It was full of tears and laughter. Highs and lows. Feeling apart from everything and feeling a part of everything. Mostly now I am ecstatic and allowing myself to fall into place. But even that is just another step. Each day brings more. Every Initiation is more steps. and Life is a continual Initiation, wherever we find our existence.

Some parts of poems written during the throes of the transformation:

Let Me Touch You With My Words

Let me touch you with my words
could that be a chiseled corner of my new purpose?
while the orchestra of my frequency blasts through inner, awakened senses,
maybe this Divine music playing will push my pen
into swirling spirals of word pictures worthy of you.

i call upon the hidden notes of my song
to move my pen into word pictures,
little longings,
arrows lighting a corner step.

if words born of this frequency
i wear
i host
i am
can open up a stairwell in the hallway,
and toss paint onto a silky step,
carved and polished,
holding a promise of wear, of tear,
of going somewhere,
let me touch you with my words.

Let me touch you with my words
not reflected in society
i ran up a flight of stairs
and the body remained.
what remains is this:
i look down at legs and don’t know where to move them.

what do I do, so new?
all this in imagination i assumed would be known
i stand alone
with a Group Inside
all in position
like an orchestra with the conductor behind the podium
without arms swinging
did I see a hand wave here or there?
is a trumpet or harp to play
as the unknown resides in me
looking for a comfort all its own?

Let me touch you with my words
evaporate your fears
of staircases and steps,
doors without name tags
they are all here and there
hung in Reality
suspended from above by unseen hands.

you think the builders of the pyramids were so deft,
hey, what of The Architect?
provider of stairs
master carver,
a visionary artist lifted the steps
put the vision in our eyes
and provided a platform
for the soles of our Soul to walk up on.

i can at least attest to that, i have done something
i been there
i done that
i lost the i became a we
still walking
and even in the echo of this lonely ascent
i can attest to moving escalators
spatial steps
that slip underneath you when you are ready to take them
when it is needed
when change is a foot…

One Wing is Caught

i feel like a caterpillar
who went thru a chrysalis,
became a butterfly
one wing is caught in the cocoon.

i am not flying out yet…
but don’t belong in the cocoon
its decor more fits my long green body,
the afterbirth is a bit stifling to lie in after birth
but i only just feel the breeze of the new world.

this is transition
i am my own baby
this baby, this fledgling is formed already
but just not really out.
with this unfinished fetus
i pushed 3½ years
still looking for deliverance
so i wait in here
feeding myself glimpses that come in
through the cracked cocoon
sometimes filling me with wonder and beauty and gratefulness
and love
sometimes it isn’t nourishing enough.

no one stops by from out there to speak of it
i just continue to make calls from the cocoon
that go unanswered,
hoping to contribute somehow
to the change that is coming
to everything
as it becomes something more,
hoping to find enough meaning
while i wait for the edges of the aging cocoon
to collapse
to set me free.

My Soul I Am

my Soul stretches across the Fabric of Time
it is here withn,
embroidered on my eyelids
in the color of True Love’s eternal shades.

imprinted, alive, and glowing on the structures
around me
in the structures
beyond me
it follows me all the days
remembering me
leading me
across all the Fabrics of Fabrics.

it is taffeta and lace
button and hole
organza and silk
no size,
no shape,
one size fits all
and stretches across all Colors of Time
holding me in place
in physicality,
to fulfill its new promise.

there are those few
who imparted their Essence to the host
to be molded into a group of One
who, where they live, outside of the host,
may have no need of Souls at all.

it is i, who walk on Earth as Them,
who hold a Soul to do their bidding.

in knowing this, i step
onto a new plane of Existence
i see the ephemeral
i notice the sparkle around the bush,
a child’s jar of glitter sprayed around my feet,
the lightbody and physical body glide into each other
like vesica piscis,
wheels within wheels
turning pages of each other.

all is inseparable:
The One pervades and prevails and just IS.

dramas and pain in this reality
are softened somehow by this understanding
like standing under a curtained Light,
still waking and sleeping,
still walking my dog,
my True,
while Gold splashes up on the page
making it hard to read what’s been written,
wishing the words would, by their nature,
uplift this world i find myself walking in,
these people who line the streets with their dogs.

separation gets easier with sunrises and sunsets,
learning to dance freely,
holding onto no one,
no one knows the difference
but one who is the same.

and tomorrow i will experience more that i am a part of everyone,
my Soul, i am.